Delivering and Remembering

So Friday we drove the little over an hour drive to Children's Mercy Hospital and delivered 20 more bags in MJ's memory. I thought this trip would be an easy one, stop in and say hi to the Child Life Specialist, and then go visit my sister for the afternoon. And overall, it was, but just as we got off of the highway, we pulled right behind a Children's Mercy Ambulance. And all those thoughts of that day that MJ got transferred came through my head.

When I was pregnant, we had two options to choose from to deliver. The first option was to deliver at KU Med Hospital, and hope for the best with MJ and that he would not need ECMO, or the heart and lung bypass machine to keep him alive. Every test that we could have done in utero, we did. And every test gave us a very optimistic outcome. His lung size looked good, he was a good size (weight), and most importantly, his liver was not in his chest cavity. Almost 70-80% of babies with CDH survive if their liver is 'down'.

The second option was to deliver at a nearby hospital and have MJ immediately transferred to Children's Mercy.

We chose to deliver at KU Med for multiple reasons: we thought that a transfer would be a lot on his little body, we did not want our boys to be separated, we did not want to be separated from each other, and we truly thought that MJ would not need ECMO.

The day after I delivered Will and MJ, the doctors came to us and said the were not sure if MJ was going to make it through the night. We cried, we prayed, and we sat by his side for as long as we could. And he made it through the night. We were so optimistic and so happy that he made it. Then the doctors came to us and said they thought that he would need to be transferred and they were making arrangements to do so. At that time, that was our worst fear. It was just about the most awful thing in the entire world to watch him be transferred. Three nurses and two paramedics came to KU Med to transfer MJ. He was hooked up to countless machines and each machine had to be unhooked and then hooked up to the transfer machines. It took about an hour and a half to complete everything. I stood and watched and sobbed the entire time. They then let us reach in and touch him before they whisked him away to the waiting ambulance. As soon as they left, Willie, my dad, and his dad all left to go be with MJ. My mom, and his mom stayed with Will and I. We were completely devastated. Although the hospital was only about ten minutes away, it felt as though we were separated by miles. The hospital offered to release Will and I one day early, but Will was starting to come down with some jaundice, so we decided that MJ was in the best possible hands that he could be in, with Willie, my dad, and his dad with him, and Will needed to be in the best place possible for him, if he needed that same level of care.  The next day we were released, and Will's jaundice was much better.

Seeing that ambulance brought back all those same emotions of devastation and heartache. I thought of that child's parents and how they must be feeling, and how I hoped and prayed that the child in that ambulance was safe and would come home. It's crazy how seeing one thing can bring back so many emotions and literally take me back to that day. In some ways its comforting. When we lost MJ I was so incredibly scared that I would forget. And while some of the emotions that we felt at that time have faded on a daily basis, the littlest things bring it all back. The sadness, the heartache, but most of all, the joy and hope that we had in our hearts. A few weeks ago Will was screaming and crying at my sister's house when we were visiting them. Her boyfriend commented on how we all knew that Will's lungs were healthy. It felt like a stab in my heart because if MJ's lungs were healthy, we would have two screaming babies at that moment. And so many emotions came back. So the moments like that, while I cry and my heartaches, I long for them. Because then I know, I just know that my little boy is always with me and he lives forever in my heart.

So, after that looong tangent, here are some pictures from our delivery of bags. Will had a great time being there, almost like he remembers that place and he truly enjoys when we go. Maybe he remembers that's where his brother was and that's why he likes it so much.

On a side note, my post about Questions is still open! So if there is something that you want to ask me . . . Go Ahead!

A tragic, sometimes almost magic, beautiful week

So this past week Willie, Will, and I packed up the car and headed East. We had a great week. Many days were filled with memories that I will always cherish, and many days were filled with tears as I remembered the little boy that will forever be missing from my life. We made the most of out just about every day out of the last seven.

Last Saturday we met with a family that I think will forever be in our lives. We met online, through a due date club on Babyfit.com. I knew prenatally that MJ would be born with CDH, their family did not know that their precious son, Eli would be born with CDH, as well. Because of our experiences with our sons, we are forever bonded, and I am so happy to have that connection with them! Eli was a CDH Warrior and came home in just 30 days! Recently he got rid of his feeding tube and is doing wonderfull now. We met for dinner and had it not been for Will and Eli getting overly exhausted, I think we would have stayed there all night! Will was just fascinated with Eli . . .

Eli, however, did not share the same fascination . . .

After our visit and stop in Indianapolis with them, we headed on over to Cortland, NY to visit my sister and boyfriend. We had a great time with them! Tracy is pregnant and due in Decemeber, which is very excited for our family. Because we live so far away, we don't get to see each other very often, so I was so excited that we were able to stay with them from Sunday to Wednesday. We did a lot of stuff with them, including strawberry picking, which Will absolutely LOVED!

Once we left on Wednesday, we decided to swing by New York City for some quick site seeing before heading to Philadelphia. It was well worth it! Neither of us had ever been before, so we were very excited to make a quick stop! We stopped by the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island and drove past the World Trade Center sight before leaving. We even stopped for some delicious pizza!

After NYC, we finally made it to Philadelphia for the CDH Summit. We got to meet some wonderful, amazing people who are doing some wonderful, amazing things for CDH and CDH Research. There is so much to talk about - I really don't know where to begin!

The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) was there and we learned how they treat CDH babies, pre and post natally. To say this was hard to listen to was an understatement. We spoke with CHOP while I was pregnant and seriously considered going there to deliver Will and MJ. But in the end, we thought we had made the best decision and we stated in Kansas to deliver our boys. Hearing them talk about how they treat CDH babies, what there statistics are, and to see how dedicated these doctors are, well, those what-ifs started to creep into my mind. Don't get me wrong - Children's Mercy Hospital is a wonderful place to be, and they are full of top notch doctors who care, as well. I just don't think that I can't not think about the what-ifs. Especially when I was able to see CDH survivors right there in front of me. One of them was born just after Will and MJ, and he was doing great. Will and him got along quite well, and it was too cute for words. But at the same time, seeing Will interact with another little boy just his age, who survived CDH, really got to me. I suppose it always will, and I am going to have to see him play with other little boys for the rest of his life, so I better start sucking it up. 

Day Two of the Summit was probably the most wonderful part of it all. Willie, my hubbie, delivered an amazing speech called "How to deal with people who just don't get it - Communicating Grief and Needs" He did so amazing - he even surprised me!

My favorite part was how he talked about how people try and throw you a life vest - but you really get an anchor instead. Basically just that people who are not in the Babyloss world will never get it, and too often they say the wrong thing, even if they don't mean to. (If anyone would like a copy of his presentation, please email me at megan@projectsweetpeas, and I can send it to you - it has wonderful tips on how to communicate and deal with people who don't get it)

Then the very best part came - the CDH Researchers presented. I was eagerly anticipating what they had to say the whole time. I always thought that we would never be able to participate in the Research Studies because we lost MJ. But I was wrong! We had an autopsy performed and they save samples for a few years, which means that we CAN participate. I was so excited because it means that MJ's life will help so many others. But that's not even the best part. Their presentation was on genes and how they are trying to find the gene that gives you CDH. Well, I raised my hand and explained that I have identical twin sons, one with CDH, and one without, so how can it be a gene? They said that somewhere, somehow, something happened to one of these genes and that gave MJ CDH. They then asked how I knew that they were identical twins, and I told them that my placenta was tested after birth. After their presentation came over and asked if we were willing to enroll in the CDH study because having identical twins like ours - one with CDH and one without is how they are going to get a breakthrough, because they can compare them to each other and see where and why there is a difference. Currently there are over 400 families in the study, with only eight sets of identical twins. I am so extremely happy to say that we are the ninth family of identical twins! To know that my sons, BOTH of my sons can contribute so greatly to research makes my heart fill with joy. MJ can and will go on to help and possibly save the lives of so many. I am filled with tears of happiness. My little boys are so incredibly special. So we all got our blood taken, Will, too, and he was not too fussy about it! He did great!

 

So to sum it all up, it was a tragic, yet sometimes almost magic, beautiful week.  Tragic because I so missed my little boy and was constantly reminded of what we are missing. Yet magic because we were able to meet so many amazing people who have made an incredible difference in my life during the past 10 months. Beautiful because I know that this is only the beginning of great things for our family. My family of four is able to contribute to something incredible.

A lot on my mind

Today I am packing for the CDH Summit in Philadelphia that we are going to next week. We are making a road trip of it, and we are really excited. We get to meet another CDH momma that we met online on our way. When we were pregnant we belonged to a due date club on Baby Fit.com We both had CDH babies. I knew ahead of time, where she did not know ahead of time. We lost MJ, and her son survived and is doing wonderfully! I can't help but think about if we didn't know and what sort of emotions that we had. I don't konw which would be better, knowing about CDH or not.

Anyway, after our stop in Indianapolis to meet them, we are headed to my sisters for a few days before the Summit. I am really excited to see her and her boyfriend. They live in New York and we have never been there before, so it will be really great to see them and where they live. Then we head to Philadelphia for the Summit! Which is really exciting to finally be able to meet so many different people that I have met online, and never in person before. Plus, we have never been to Philadelphia before, so we are excited to eat some Philly Cheesesteaks! We have traveled with Will a few times before, via both car and plane, but this roadtrip is going to be quite a drive and a long time on the road. I hope that it all goes well and we don't have too many hiccups. But knowing life, we will :)

While I am packing today and getting things ready for our trip, I can't help but think how different life would be right now with MJ. We probably wouldn't be going to the Summit this week. MJ would hopefully be home from the hospital, but he may not, and our life would be drastically different. I look around our living room and its scattered with Will's toys. I think, if MJ was home right now, what would our living room look like? He probably would have come home on a ventilator or at least oxygen. He probably would have needed a feeding tube. What would our home look like? I remember when the doctor told us that MJ would be in the hospital 6-12 months. He was talking to us and was very frank and matter of fact. No emotion. I so desperatly did not want to cry in front of him. Dr. K was the head of the NICU and one of the most respected doctors at Children's Mercy. I bit my lip so hard to keep from crying, it bled. He left the room and I just lost it, I was holding Will and I was crying so bad. Our nurse that day, Phyllis, held me and I just sobbed. At the time I was thinking MJ would be home before Christmas, which would have put him at five months. I was thinking, how are we going to manage a year in here? And a ventilator at home? How will I ever figure it all out? But Phyllis, she talked to me and she said that no one had ever talked to us about MJ coming home because they didn't think that he ever would come home. And I remember her telling me that she truely though MJ was a survivor, that he was going to make it. She said she felt it in her heart, and the other nurses did, too. It made me feel so much better, and I kept repeating what she said in my head, he's a survivor, he's coming home. We lost MJ three days later.

I miss him so much, each and every single day. That hole in my heart sometimes seems so huge. So while today we pack to learn more about CDH and meet the people that have gotten me through the last nine months, I miss MJ even more then I did yesterday. However, I think that every day. Each day without my son makes me miss him more. I will never stop loving MJ. I will never stop missing MJ. I will always be his mother, and he will always be my son.

Butterfly Mommies and a day for Turquoise

Never before did I think I would be a blogger. But after the death of MJ, I stumbled onto the blogging world and have become become not only a fan, but a blogger myself. There are a lot of wonderful resources through blogging and the babyloss blogging world has become a source of great support for me. Butterfly Mommies is one of those outlets and the women their have created a network of mommies with babies in heaven. They are about to start a radio show and have asked the babyloss mommas to help them start out with their first show by answering the following question:

What forms of support helped you the most during your time of loss and even now? How would you recommend other people support grieving mothers? (As we know, many times people who love us often don't know what to say or how to act)

There are many forms of support that have helped me throughout my journey without my son. After MJ's death I became more and more involved in the congential diaphragmatic hernia (CDH) world and attempted to learn all I could about the horrible birth defect that took my son. I knew that MJ would be born with CDH when I was 21 weeks pregnant. I knew the odds: only 50% of these babies survive. I knew that he would have a hell of a fight. But I also knew that he would make it. I refused to believe anything but, and simply put my faith in God that MJ's story would be on of survival. So I never truly fought to understand what CDH was, and I never thought I would not take my son home with me. Since he died I have wanted nothing more then to figure everything out about CDH, so that I truly understand why and how my son died. Through my yearning for knowledge I have met wonderful, lifelong friends. I have met other mothers that have lost their sons or daughters. I have stepped up and poured my heart out to complete strangers to raise awareness. I have cried, I have laughed, and most of all I have missed my son. Meeting and talking with other parents that have lost their babies helps me understand that I am not alone, and that my son can and will be part of my everyday life. The support that I have received and given is life changing, and in the realm of devastation, I have found beauty in the way that my life has changed in the last seven months since my son died in my arms.

Supporting a grieving mother is very hard, yet very easy at the same time, I feel. The one and only thing that I have left of my son is his memory. I want and I need to be in control of that. His pictures, his name, his things, and so many other things that I have of him, I need to be in control of. I want to be the one to speak his name, so ask me about him. I want to tell the world that my son lived and that he fought hard, so hard for his life, so let me. I want to raise awareness of the awful birth defect that took his precious life, so help me do so. But let me do it on my terms, and the way that I want to. I want to be the one that distributes his pictures, so please don't use them without my permission. Basically, please respect me enough to 'parent' my son's memory and his things. After all, you wouldn't take my son and do what you please with him and his things if he were living? Would you?

I also want to thank the countless people today that have worn turquoise, posted something on their facebook page, remembered MJ, or simply talked about CDH today. I can't even explain to you what that means to me. The single thing that I am most scared about in this world is that MJ will be forgotten. It is my mission in life to ensure that he never will be. He is a part of my daily life, just as much as his surviving twin, Will is. I speak his name daily. I think about him constantly. I look at his pictures all the time. And I thank God every single day for the 35 days we spent with him. So thank you for helping me make this a Day for Turquoise

March 31 is Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Awareness Day!

Please help support awareness of the horrible birth defect that stole my son MJ from my life by wearing turquoise tomorrow. And if some asks why, please tell them what CDH is.

Breath of Hope

Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH) occurs in about one in every 2,500 live births. Absence of the diaphragm may occur on the left, right or both sides, but the absence on the left side is most common. CDH occurs when the diaphragm does not fully form, allowing the stomach oragans into the chest cavity, which severely hinders lung and heart development. There is a wide discrepancy between the “visible” mortality from congenital diaphragmatic hernia reported from children's centers, which treat only those infants who survive gestation, birth, resuscitation, transport and often major surgery, and the true mortality for congenital diaphragmatic hernia, based on all prenatally diagnosed cases, which has been called the “hidden mortality” of Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH).

A CDH Walk of Hope

We just got back in from our short trip to Nevada to visit my in-laws and for the CDH Walk of Hope. Overall we had a great trip. It was so nice to see my husband's family, as even though we are far apart, we are very close. My mom made the trip out as well. We packed a lot of things into the four day trip, with the most important being the CDH Walk of Hope on Saturday morning.

Sporting our Turquoise for the Awareness Walk

It was a little cold, but nothing that we couldn't handle! I was surprised as how emotional it was, but it seems as though I always am. I always seem to think that I am stronger then I actually am, but when we got there the tears just seemed to flow. I am glad that we stopped to get me some sunglasses, so most people couldn't tell! We had a great turnout, especially for it being the first annual walk. Hopefully this means that next year should only get bigger! There were three families overall affected by CDH. Obviously, we are affected by CDH, as we lost MJ to it. We also have friends in that area that lost their son to CDH just one year ago. And there was even a CDH survivor and her family that came! And ironically, her birthday is March 31st - CDH Awareness Day! I believe she was 13 years old, and her mom saw all of MJ's pictures and said they are just identical to the pictures of her daughter's. 

We walked one mile to "Honor our Survivors and Remember our Angels"

The whole Skaggs Family, with MJ in our hearts

Balloon Release at end of the Walk

Even Will released a balloon!

Right now I don't have a whole lot to say about the walk and the weekend. It was bittersweet, and at time, heart wrenching, knowing that we should have MJ with us. I had plenty of moments where I was blinking back tears or just had to walk away and get some air. But at the same time, I also plenty of smiles and laughs. We were coming back today and were boarding the plane, and I had Will in my arms and Willie was pushing the stroller. We gave the stewardess our boarding passes and she did a double take and said, "Two babies?" She thought that I had a baby in my arms, and Willie had a baby in the stroller. And I had to say, "No, just one." And that hurt. A lot. I wanted to say, There should be two babies. But I had to just walk away, and I felt that awful feeling when my stomach just drops and my throat closed up. But then again, that is the story of my life right now. 

March 31, 2010 is Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Awareness Day in Topeka, KS

So tonight we went and accepted the proclamation that March 31, 2010 is CDH Awareness Day. We got to the meeting, we said a prayer and the pledge of allegiance, and then the mayor asked us to come up and accept the proclamation. He read the proclamation and then asked us to say a few words. I think I got three words in before I started crying. I had everything written out in my head about what I was going to say and how I was going to say it, and then the tears came and I forgot everything! I felt like I stumbled over all of my words and I have to say I am a little disappointed in myself. I really wanted to be clear and say everything that I wanted to say, but the emotions just got the best of me. In the end, everything that I had to say came from my heart, and if that's the best that I can do, then I am okay with that. I even had some of the council members tearing up at MJ's story.

As always, Will, entertained the crowd trying to grab at the microphone and smiling and cheesing it up for the mayor. I was able to smile and laugh because of him. I am very thankful for both of my boys, and I really couldn't be more proud of each of them.

Me talking and trying to keep Will from grabbing the microphone!

I did get to meet a CDH grandparent in CDH survivor Kinley's mom! And her coworker, Nancy, who made a donation to our Project Sweet Pea! Thank you guys so much!!!

Overall, I am so happy that we were able to do this. It was a great experience and it meant a lot to me to be able to bring some awareness to CDH and talk a little about MJ. There is nothing more in this world that I love doing then talking about my sons! I didn't think it would be as emotional as it was, but things always seem to turn out that way!

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!! Growing up this was always one of my favorite holidays. I can remember every holiday my family making Irish Soda Bread and celebrating our Irish heritage. Making Irish Soda Bread with my parents and sister's has always been one of my favorite memories. This past weekend my husband and I made Irish Soda Bread at our house with Will. I enjoyed making this new memory with Will, but at the same time, I missed MJ so much. I could see it while we were making the bread: the four of us, with our babies in their high chairs, while we were busy in the kitchen. But one high chair and one baby was missing: MJ. It will always be like that, I suppose. Everything we do, there will always be MJ missing. It doesn't hurt as bad, either that or we are almost used to the pain.

Will has been acting different this week. It almost seems like he misses MJ. We were trying to feed him his dinner on Monday and he just would not stop crying. I was walking around holding him trying to calm him down and we passed by a picture of the four of us by MJ's isolette in the NICU. As soon as he saw it, he stopped crying and grabbed it. He was just looking at it with amazement. The only way he would eat the rest of his dinner was by having that picture in direct eyesite. Then after dinner I sat and cuddled with him on the couch and he reached up at a picture of him and MJ, a big 8 x 10 size photo. He simply put his hand on the picture and just stared, almost like  he was looking at MJ and just missing him. That just made me burst into tears. Out of everything we have been through, the pain and the hurt of us losing MJ, the biggest hurt of all is that Will is going to have to grow up without MJ. That special bond that only twins have, Will no longer has on Earth. It is broken by death.

That same night we were putting Will to bed and our routine consists of bathtime, then I feed Will, while Willie reads to him. Will wanted nothing to do with eating. He was sitting in my lap looking right next to me and laughing. There was nothing right next to me. It seemed as though he was laughing and playing with MJ, like MJ was right there and they were playing together. When Will does thing like that, it makes me think like that special bond isn't broken. And that warms my heart.

Next Tuesday we go to the City Council meeting here in Topeka to accept the proclamation that March 31st is Congential Diaphragmatic Hernia Awareness Day. The meeting starts at 6 pm and we will accept the proclamation soon after. The City Council meeting is held in the Municipal Courtroom Chambers, and we would love to have all who can come! We will have turquouise ribbons to hand out so that all may wear them on March 31st. I am excited and nervous at the same time. We will accept the award and the mayor ususally asks us to say a few words. I have an idea of what to say, but at the same time I am very nervous. Especially nervous that I will tear up. That just seems to happen all the time, and most of the time it doesn't bother me, but at a very public stage like this is going to be, I want to be able to control my composure. One of my good friends is going to come and take photos, which I am very thankful for!

This weekend we plan on getting a ton of stuff done for our gift bags. April is coming before you know it and that is when we would like to make another donation!

Very Bittersweet Day

Today there are so many great things going on. I have received two emails from people wanting to donate to MJ's Memories! One of them had her son in the NICU at one of the hospitals that we donate bags to for four months before he came home. Her family and friends are organizing a fundraiser to help offset their medical costs and she wants to donate a portion of the proceeds to us! And she would like us to be there to talk about MJ's Memories and set up a donation box and sell our bracelets! Which is amazing. Each and every day I am surprised at the way people react to MJ's Memories. So many people want to help and in the best ways. It truly brings tears to my eyes knowing that all of this is happening because of my little boy.

The other email I received was from a lady who set up a donation drive at her office and would like to meet up with me so that she may donate the items that she collected.

The third amazing thing that happened today is for CDH Awareness! For those of you who don't know, March 31st is CDH Awareness Day. Governors and mayors across the country have proclaimed March 31 as Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia Awareness Day, and I sent a request in to the mayor of Topeka, KS. (The state of Kansas has already proclaimed it). I heard back from the mayor's office today and he is not only going to sign it, but we will be able to receive it at the City Council meeting at the end of the month! What a great way to get as much awareness out as possible!

So while I am so happy that today brings so many things, my heart stings, I feel that sucker punched feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I hate it. I want to have my son in my arms celebrating these amazing things with me. I imagine that the rest of my life will be filled with these bittersweet moments. I feel them each and every day. With the little things that Will, MJ's twin does. The smiles he gives me, and the things that he learns each and every day. So incredibly bittersweet. I long for time when I was able to truly smile. But I don't think that I will ever be able to do that again. I think that throughout the rest of my life, I will always have the bittersweet smile. I will never stop missing MJ and I will always ache for him to be in my arms.

So, I was really hoping that making and selling the Awareness Bracelets would be a really great way for income for MJ's Memories. After our first Craft Show, I thought that I was correct, but after last weekend's utter disapointment, I am just not sure if we are going to be able to. We have sold a few online (thank you to everyone who did), and a lot to family and friends (thanks!), but not enough to full fund everything that we plan on doing. I was looking around for another craft show to go to, but I can't find one for a few months. I don't know if I am looking in the right places or not. I am simply Googling 'Craft Shows in Topeka, KS'. Maybe I am not doing it right? I thought that in the Art and Craft Show world that there were events just about every weekend. I must be either wrong or not looking in the right places.

Hopefully at the end of the month at the fundraiser that my parents are doing, called MJ's HUGS (Help Us Give Support) that we will be able to sell a lot. I am really excited about that fundraiser. We have a ton of great raffle prizes, and they have already sold a ton of raffle tickets, which is really cool!

I sent out my first gift bag today (sort of), which is a little exciting. Averi Hope is a CDH baby who is really struggling right now. Prayers would be appreciated! Anyway, I met her mom, when she was still pregnant, and it turns out that she is from Fremont, CA, which is were my husband, Willie is from! Small world! Anyway, I sent her out a package today with some stuff that is gonna be included in our bags: a name plaque, baby blanket, teddy bear, birth record pillow, baby girl bows, and a deck of cards for Teresa and Kevin. I hope that they really like it! I hope that it can at least make them smile for a bit, because I know how hard it is to go through the incredibly emtional roller coaster that they are going through right now. Averi is going through a lot of the same stuff that MJ went through, and I just pray every day for a different outcome. I get so upset when any CDH baby losses their battle, and I feel especially close to this family because of the similarities of Averi and MJ. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers as Averi continues her battle.

What a Week!

WOW it has been a very busy and hectic week. Which I think will be the story of my life until 2010. My sisters came in to visit me and I had an amazing time with them! We tied a BUNCH of bows and simply had a blast. I don't remember the last time I hung out with just the two of them, so it was really fun to be able to do that. We got all of the bows tied, so mark off another item as finished in my bags!



My husband, Willie, also put together 50 handprint/footprint kits. Willie was measuring out the plaster of paris to put in the kits, and we have a pretty amazing story from this. When he was finished at the bottom of the measuring cup was a perfect footprint! I posted the picture we took of it up, we really think it was MJ saying he is happy with what we are doing! I am so happy that he sent us this message. It means so much to me!






Yesterday we went back to Children's Mercy to meet with MJ's doctors and go over his autopsy. It was very hard, but I think overall we are happy that we went. We got to see some of his nurses that we felt close to, and I so glad that we saw them. We also wrote them a letter thanking them for everything that they did for us. I can't imagine going through that experience without them.



I also have some other GREAT news! The Topeka Capital Journal (local newspaper) is interviewing Willie and I tonight about MJ's Memories! How exciting to be getting some coverage! I also received emails from two local tv stations who would like to interview us! I am so excited, hopefully this will enable us to get a lot of donations to fill tons and tons of bags! It really makes me feel good knowing that we will be able to help a lot of families. I know it meant a lot to me.