The Twin Thing

I've been having a hard time lately with the twin thing. For some reason it's been thrown in my face a lot, lately. Mostly inadverntly in ways that shouldn't really bother me, but they do. A lot. I don't know why I didn't get to keep both of my twins and I just hate it. Will is SO amazing and I swear I love that kid more each day, which doesn't seem possible today, but tomorrow it will.

Why didn't I get to keep both? Why didn't I get my miracle? Why can't I be the one shouting out praise for the Lord's miracles? I am angry and bitter today. I hate this feeling. I don't want to feel like this, I don't want to only have a taste of what its like to have twins.

And that taste was so sweet, and so amazing. I want it back. I want him back. I want them both. I feel like I am a little kid kicking and screaming today because I just want. them. both.

WHY WHY WHY WHY did he have to die?