Tuesday, October 19, 2010

So I know that I haven't posted in awhile, I just guess I don't really have anything to say. I miss MJ, as always, and things are starting to get better, but then at the same time things are just as bad as every, or they get worse. I never know my feelings I guess!
I read a quote today that really resonated with me. It goes Healing from the death of your child is much like wisdom; it can't be forced, yet it comes upon you if you let it....~ Dr. Tom Frantz, Advisory Member, TCF, Buffalo, NY

So maybe I guess what I am trying to say is that I am healing. I can't force it to happen, it just has to. And just like healing from physical pain, the emotional pain will have its ups and downs. At times I feel good and at times when I try to do too much, the pain comes ripping through me and I feel like I am back where I started, in those awful, painful weeks following the death of my son. But its getting better. It will never be 'all good', it will always be painful, and the scar will always last, but I am getting by. Day by day, week by week, and month by month, it is getting better.

We met with our RE a few weeks ago and have a plan to try and get pregnant again. But that will be very expensive, and it is honestly money that we do not have. So we are saving money and our goal is to start with IUI in January. Our RE thinks we have an excellent chance of getting pregnant again - we just need the money to do so and hopefully we will soon have our rainbow.


Lisette said...

What a wonderful quote!!!
I am glad you are going to try for rainbow, I wish you both all the best.

Lori said...

I'm behind in reading....what's new? Thinking of you, though...and glad to see you are accepting of healing. I think that quote is so accurate--it doesn't take away from the fact that the grief is still palpable and will always affect you, just that there is room for healing if we allow it.

Praying for you in the new year and a Rainbow!