Thursday, December 2, 2010

A Much Needed Break

Whew! It's been awhile since I have posted last! I didn't necesarily mean to, its just something that kind of happened, and something that I think I really needed. Its been pretty busy and emotional all at the same time around here lately and it really helped to be electronically out of it the past month or so. I deactivated my facebook account for the past month, too, and so I have been out of the loop on so many things!

But I needed it, I really did. I didn't realize how much I was hurting, until it all came down on me. With the holidays coming up, and the whole infertilty thing sticking a big pain in my a$$, the break was much needed and much wanted. I started seeing a counselor again, and let me tell you - she is great! She is just the counselor that I need. We are working on a lot of things, and she is helping me to recognize that it really is okay for me to be happy. So I am working on it. Even if I think that 90% is okay, it really isn't. It's not fair to Will or Willie if I am only 90% okay. I need to 100%, and while I am not there yet, someday I will be. And hopefully someday soon.

I started working out again, and I think that has really helped boost my spirits. I didn't realize how much I missed feeling sore and working out, until I got it back. I am doing Jazzercise, and omg, I LOVE it! It's so much fun, and I am going 3-4 times per week. I am sore, I am losing weight (and inches!) and just overall just feeling good about myself again. So far I have lost 32 pounds! Mind you, I started my weight loss way before I started Jazzercise, so I am hoping that this will help me kick up the pace on losing weight.

So . . . . on the infertility front, we just started our first IUI cycle. I am nervous, scared, and hopefull all at the same time. I am on day 3 of my meds, and then next Wednesday I go in to see how many eggies I have and what type of quality they are. Then probably either Dec 11 or Dec 13 we will go in for the actual IUI procedure. I really, really hope that this works. We are paying for everything out of pocket, and so with each cycle brings a bigger hit to our savings account. But it will be worth it, worth every penny if/when I look into my baby's eyes. Hopefully soon . . .


Lisette said...

Hi, glad to hear from you. I understand the much needed break. Proud of you, 32LBS!!! That is just awesome.
Wishing and praying your procedure works for you guys.

Also glad to hear that your counselor is really helping you and that you are feeling a little better about yourself.

Lori said...

Praying the IUI cycle is successful!! I know all about paying out of pocket for really, really, REALLY stinks that as if infertility isn't bad enough--you have to go bankrupt to try and combat it...then to feel like you may have gotten to the finish line only to STILL just seems so cruel. I know the world isn't fair (don't we know it!) but it sometimes seems like if it ever was going to be...well, there are certain people for whom it should be.