We Made it Through

The weekend, we made it through the weekend. I can't believe how fast Will recovered from surgery, it seems as though it never even happened, he barely missed a beat. We had to stay the night at the hospital because he was born at 36 weeks, but I swear it was only three hours post surgery and he was back to his normal self. A little cranky, but overall, just my happy, smiley baby.

Just a few hours after surgery and playing already!

So many things brought back so many memories of MJ. Being in the hospital, eating cafeteria food, waiting to speak with doctors about how the surgery went, all of the wires and such hooked up to one of my babies, so many little things made me think of MJ and our time with him. But they were good memories, ones that made me smile and think of my amazing little boy and how he fought so hard for a shot at life. And Will is so much like his brother! He hated having his blood pressure taken, and when it was taken, it would never work right, just like MJ. The wires attached to his chest were falling off every two minutes, just like MJ. So many little things that Will went through and how he went through it, well, it just made me smile because it shows that my little boys are twins, and are so much alike. I am so thankful for the 35 days we spent with MJ, because we got to know him, and I can look at Will and think, MJ was just like that.

For the first time ever I was able to think of MJ and smile, and appreciate the time we spent with him, instead of feeling my heart rip out.We were able to talk about MJ and smile, instead of cry. We had been having a few really good days, my husband and I.

And yesterday, Mother's Day, wow it was a whole lot harder then I ever thought it was going to be. Since we had been having good days, I thought it would make yesterday easier. I thought I would be able to smile and appreciate the time, the precious time we had with MJ. But that was not the case. Yesterday morning I felt like my heart was ripping out all over again. It seemed as though the entire last week that we spent with MJ went through my mind over and over again, and I broke all over again. The morning was really rough. We cried. A lot.

But we did manage to salvage the day and go on a picnic and then to the zoo. My husband made it a wonderful afternoon for us, and I am so thankful for that. I just wish I had two babies to do this with . . . .