That's Quite a Story

Yesterday I had a dermatologist appointment for a mole check. (Being Irish I have tons of moles and get them checked to make sure none look cancerous.) As my dermatologist was checking over my skin, he asked the dreaded question. "How many kids do you have?" I was hoping he wouldn't ask because last time I was there getting checked, the nurse asked me the same thing, and it was just maybe six to eight weeks after we lost MJ. I broke down crying last time, and I was hoping that she put it in my chart not to ask that question. So I told him, we had twins, and we lost one. Many people assume when I say that, that MJ was stillborn, and he asked if that was the case. So I then explained to him that MJ had CDH and what CDH was, and I was very surprised when he wanted to know all about CDH and MJ's short life.

It made me feel good to talk about MJ and tell someone about him. Hardly anybody asks about MJ any more, and he really is one of my favorite things to talk about. I think about him constantly and when someone asks about him - no matter how much I cry while I talk about him - it makes me feel good that I can tell someone else how hard he fought to live.

Just as he was leaving, he said, "Thank you for sharing that with me, that's quite a story you've got." 

Well, it's not a story to me, it is part of my life. It's a part of my life that brought me the best 34 days of my life, and one day that will always be the worst day of my life. It's part of my life that makes me more comfortable in a hospital then around a newly, happy, pregnant women. It's part of my life when I had to sign three times for my son to be cut open by a surgeon attempting to save his life. It's when I had to make a decision that no parent should ever have to make, it's when death tore my heart out and took my son. 

So my story, MJ's story, some people look at me in amazement when I tell it, shocked beyond belief at all that I have endured. And to me, it's my life, it's 35 days that have changed my entire way of thinking, it's shaken me to the core, and I wish so badly I could go back and do it all again. I wish so badly that I could take those 35 days with MJ and turn them into eternity.