Monday, January 25, 2010


So after I posted my excitedness about being able to grow milkweed plants so I can attract butterfiles and think about my MJ, one of the plants stopped growing. We planted seeds in two indentical planters. Identical - just like my baby boys. I loved and cared for both of them, and the seeds began to grow in the dirt. Then both of them started to poke through the dirt and began the journey into a flower. But then one of the stopped growing, and has almost retracted back into the dirt. And the other one flourished. This morning, as I was trying to figure out what to do with the plant that has stopped growing, it really made me think. W0w - this is exactly how my babies entered this world. I loved and cared for both of them before they were born, and then when they were born one of the flourised and one of them was so, so sick. Did I do anything differenlty? No, I loved and cared for both of them just them same, so why is one sick and one healthy? So who am I talking about here - my babies or the flowers? I don't understand what I did to make one plant flourish and the other not - and it's the same with my babies. Why was MJ so sick, and Will so healthy? They were identical twins - MJ never should have neen born with CDH.

The symbolism here astounds me. Now I have to figure out what to do with the plant that is sick. I don't even know what I will do if it dies - it may already be. And if it does die, I don't think I will ever be able to throw it away or start fresh. It may always be there - an empty pot full of soil. Just like my MJ will always be with me - gone but never forgotten and always in my heart.