Friday, July 23, 2010

Another Nightmare Coming True

Today I realized why this past week has been so incredibly hard for me. When I was pregnant and I would think of the possibility that MJ would not make it, I would always wonder I could ever possibly celebrate Will's birthday without MJ. At the time, that was the worst thing for me, probably because I never actually thought that MJ would not survive. I always thought he would be a survivor. I always thought that my son would beat the odds and come home with us. I always imagined two high chairs and two babies covered in birthday cake. When I was pregnant my biggest nightmare was celebrating my twins' birthday with only one of them.

And now its coming true this weekend. 

I keep telling myself to be happy and that we have to make Sunday all about Will. July 25 is Will's Day and August 29 (the day we lost MJ) is MJ's Day. But it is just so hard. Everyone always says that the anticipation is always harder then the actual day, and I really hope that it is the case on Sunday. I hope that I can smile and laugh and celebrate the life that God has allowed me watch grow up. I know that my heart will be heavy and MJ will be on my mind. But I really hope that I can give happiness to the son that is in my arms.


Lisette said...

I really hope that you are surrounded by peace on Sunday. I know this day will not be easy but know that I will be thinking of you. I will be praying to God to be gentle on you. ((HUGS))

Lori said...

Bless your's so hard to look forward and back at the same time.

Thinking of and praying for you!