Ecclesiates 3:1, 4
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the Heaven . . a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance
Recently I came aross the book, "When the Will of God is a Bitter Cup" by Dr. Don Woodard. (Thank you Desiree for recommending it!) I put it down a few weeks ago and decided this morning to pick it back up again. I think that I get the most of out a book the second time I read it, especially one on grief.
These past 11 months or so of my life have been filled with weeping and mourning and grieving. I finally feel as thought I am ready to laugh and ready to dance. Ready to enjoy life again. And it's okay to be happy. It's okay to smile and laugh and dance again. And I have to be able to do those things. I cannot miss out on watching Will grow up.
But sometimes I struggle with this. I struggle to know when the time is right to laugh and when the time is right to grieve. Somedays I can be okay and know that it really is okay to be happy. And then the sadness hits me out of nowhere, like when we were getting Will's one year pictures taken two days ago. It hit me when we were reviewing the photos and I thought, wow there should be two this cute. Or today when we were at the grocery store and Will was being fussy so I was carrying him on hip. We ran to the next aisle and got an economy size thing of toilet paper. I had Will on one hip and the toilet paper on the other hip, and I wondered what it would be like to have two babies on my hip. So many little things like that just hit me and then the waves of grief surround me.
So when is the time right to mourn? Or dance? Or weep? Or laugh? I don't think I will ever stop grieving. But I do think that the moments of weeping will be fewer and further in between, and the moments of laughter and dancing will be longer and my happiness will come back.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Ecclesiates 3:1, 4